Monday 2 July 2012

I miss my Ilhan Zafri

I really miss this budak bulat!!!

Papa mms me this pic of his when I was in the hosp.... Zafri on my bed...





My mum was telling, on the first day he was still ok... but on the 2nd day... he already started to search for something..  He was very restless.... alahaii kesian....  When I was in the ward, I kept looking at his picture and videos (thank you to the technology).... 

I miss you so dearly Zafri.... and I love you heaps!!!

This is it........

21st June 2012 ~ The Surgery Day

Pasrah, Redha and PREPARED......

We woke up at 6am and get ourself ready to go to the OT with Zarif.  The journey was quite far cos we need to walk from Pediatric Ward to Menara Utama... I carry Zarif in my arm cos he was crying due to hunger...  but soon after I carried him.... terus senyap and mata dia terus 'pelingau-pelingau' (banjar)...

The numbness was still in me - luckily!  Kalau tidak sure dah emo semacam.  I know to many this is small matter, but to both Kamal and I, this is huge because it is our son.  We received numerous comment as "tak apa...ni kecik jer... tak yah nak risau ke nak nangis"....Cuba tengok kalau anak sendiri at this age kena masuk OT alone...  kecik ke besar rasanyer?? Hehehehe.... so to all the parents with cleft babies out there - we feel you!!

There was no drama to this.  When I put Zarif on the bed in the OT, I was calm (surprisingly!).  Nope...no tears (for Ratu Airmata like me..this is a big deal hahhaha).  This is when I realized, I was Pasrah, Redha and Prepared.  I know he is in a good hand of Prof. Alizan and his team.

We went for breakfast and waited at the waiting area.




isshhh bulat!! ;p


I put him on the bed at 9am... at abt 11.45am, the nurse already call us.  As we walked in towards the recovery area, I feel like it was the longest walk I've ever been.... there he was lying in his court... still feeling drowsy... and I cried.  Zarif darling.... you look so small yet so strong.... Alhamdulillah everything went well.  The nurses asked me to hold him so that he can feel me.  I kept on whispering to his ears.... mama sayang zarif... i dont know why... may be i just want him to know i love him regardless what.


Sunday 1 July 2012

The Day before the Surgery Day....

20th June 2012 - 7am

We were getting ready to go to PPUM.  My heartbeat was fast.  I am nervous.  I know today is not the surgery day, but it is the first step for tomorrow.  Both mama and papa were in my house to help me to take care of Zafri.  Before we left, we still manage to smile for a pic!! hehehe.... camera freak!!



One brave lil boy .....

Zarif with papa.... happy mood

Both kamal n i rotate to sleep on d comfy sofa...


Zarif as a case study

Zarif with a group of young doctors.... hmmm dah besar nanti jadi doctor yer... 
 
I have to admit, I am a coward when it comes to blood... even my own.  Tapi bila the doctor wanna put the line to Zarif, I was in the room with him.... hmmmm this is exactly how people always says... we only realize our weaknesses not our strength hehehe...


 

That night, I feel numb.  May be because my heart hurt so much thinking of tomorrow till I do not know how and what to feel.  I saw Kamal was very calm..... thank God.

Starting from 2am, Zarif need to start fasting.  Alhamdulillah it was not so bad for him.... He woke up at 12midnite for his milk... then at 1.30am we tried to wake him up... time time ni lah dia nak tidur lena selena lenanya pulak hehehehe... selalunya tergerak sikit confirm bangun!!


Kamal was trying to put Zarif to sleep at 4am.... i guess kamal yg tidur dulu hehe