Thursday, 28 April 2016

Be Nice

Few weeks ago, I took both of my boys to Pasar Malam near our house.  A lady at pasar malam gave adik a stare and kept looking between abg and adik. Which make adik feel uncomfortable (any child wouldn't like a stare). He knows he is different. At the age of 3 he already asked me about it. I explained at my level best and make it as simple as possible. We talked about it from time to time. I don't want to make him feel that his cleft is something I want to hide.
So I asked this lady nicely... "Cik tgok apa?" Then she said kembar sorg lagi ni lain ya while pointing her fingers at d lips... I said yes. She was still frowning... Ok lah may be dia x pernah met anyone with a cleft.
Then, politely I told her - if u see a child that look slightly or obviously different from the other... Look at them with a smile. It makes a lot of different than a frowning face.
Adik then said... Adik x der gigi jerr... Dah patah mcm upin & ipin.... Hahahaha haiii laahh adik!

It is easier to educate a child than a grown up "adult".  Be nice... especially to kids.

To adik - you are handsome alrite!

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

I feel you....

When I took Zarif for his follow up with the cleft clinic last week, I met this young couple with a 2 months old baby – cleft lip and palate.  We acknowledged each other.  As we spoke, I can see her eyes were in tears.  Owh dear mummy, I truly feel you.  I was at your shoes 2 years ago. 

I can feel the pain in her eyes.  I had the same sadness and pain in my eyes before too.  It is not a regret or a blaming game.  It was just a plain painful feeling.  To see our little baby like that and the thought that he needs to go for surgery at such a young age.  I feel you dear mummy.

I gave her my number.  I just feel she needs someone with a cleft baby that she can talk too.  Alhamdulillah I am glad I did that.  Few days after, she started to text me and I called her.  As she asked questions, she started to cry again.  I let her.  I was her. 

I pray for Allah swt to give these young parents strength to go through this together.  InsyaAllah I know they will be.  I know it is not easy to stay strong. 

I hope next week, I can invite them to my house and we can have more chats together.  I am thankful for the opportunity that Allah swt gave me having met her, the opportunity to calm her heart.

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Managing Twins.....

I often encounter people asking me “kembar yer? Dua-dua lelaki ke? Macam mana jaga?”  Yes, it is not easy.  Sorry ya, I don’t know how to lie to say the otherwise. 

The first week, I realized sleeping now fall into the category of luxury item.  I barely had my sleep.  They both cried at night.  The pain of the C-Section gone after the first day.  Gone as I just have to ignore it.

My confinement lady only managed to come for few days cos she herself terrrrpreggy (boleh???).  So yes basically I had to do everything by myself (and of course my parents were there to assist as much as they can).  But the main responsibility still on me.  My bertunku time is at nite…. Once my husband came back from work and the babies are asleep.  At this first month…. I tried to spell the word SLEEPING…. And I usually fall asleep after the letter E.

Here are some sharing…

Rule #1
There are no right or wrong. 

Rule #2
Act according to the situation.  We may face the situation (always I must say) where both of them cry at the same time.  For example, what if Twin 1 cry of wanting milk and Twin 2 may have his or her “lil small business”.  Prepare the milk and give it to the hungry one so that when you are cleaning the other, another will stay quiet.  And if you feel bad of keeping the Twin 2 crying – refer to Rule #1!

Rule #3
Sleeping pattern – train them to sleep about the same timing so that you can get your rest while they are asleep.  I did this when my mum went back to her house after my confinement and I left with no maid at home.  Babies are adaptable.  After a while, I managed to understand their pattern and put them to sleep at the same time.  I use the help of baby cradle a.k.a BUAI.  Some parents are afraid of using buai because they don’t want to carry the buai everywhere they go.  Yes if you have only one baby to attend at a time… your theory may work.. but when you have two…hahahahhaa… use whatever helps you can get.  And there are some mothers believe in some old saying buaian is not good for babies – refer to Rule #1.  Over the weekend, try to put them to sleep without using the cradle so that they can be used to any situation.  Remember – babies are adaptable.

Rule #4
Plan – it is important to plan your day.  You may be a full time housewife (serious tabik hormat!) or a working mum.  Since I was a full time housewife for 9 months I can tell this – plan your day!  For example, your babies sleep twice a day during daylight.  When you wake up put all the dirty clothes in the washing machine and let it run.  Then you can attend to the babies.  And when they have their morning nap say about 10am… go and hang your clothes and if you need some nap – Take it!!  If you don’t – you can start do some housework etc.   When the babies take their second nap, you can start cooking.  Whatever it is – don’t forget to steal some time to rest. 

Rule #5
Share responsibility -  How is baby formed? Apart of a dad (sperm) and mom (egg) come together they start forming.  You see the word DAD there?  Please don’t be too greedy to carry the SuperMum title with you alone.  You will always be a SuperMum regardless what.  Let your husband share the responsibility to take care of their own babies too.  If they don’t know – they will learn.  I bet you learned how to change diapers from someone or somewhere too right?  So why are you giving excuses for your husband?  They are the father of the child.  (This Rule #5 applicable to all parents out there – with or without twins)

Rule #6
Outsource – it is not easy to clean the house and manage the twins (especially at their early years) at the same time.  Outsource your cleaning service.  If you can afford you can do it weekly, otherwise once a month.  Trust me – it helps a lot!

Rule #7
FAQ – whenever you are in your stressful moment, talk to someone who may understand your situation.  Ask them whether this is normal or whatever question you may have in your mind.  Preferably someone with twins too! 

Rule #8
Managing Cost – Imagine everything is double including cost. 

Diapers - If you can afford expensive diapers e.g. Huggies or MamyPoko, by all mean – go ahead.  But if you can’t – please refer to this idioms “ukur baju dibadan sendiri”.  It is ok to use Drypers or PetPet or other brands.  Need not to use those dry pants all.  Yes, they run all over the house.  But then again, who are you kidding?  

Formulated Milk – Again…if you can afford S-26 or anything at that range – please go ahead.  If you can’t – There are always Nestle, Dumex etc.  Whichever that to the liking of your babies.

This applies to any other things including clothes, shoes etc.  There is no need to buy Mickey Mouse or expensive clothing for the children….. Who are you competing with?  What does your pocket says?  Tepuk dada Tanya Poket…. Not Selera cos selera is nafsu hahahahahaha

Rule #9
Baby Cot – Let them sleep at their own space.  Tak payahlah beli baby cot that cost you RM800.  Just buy the cheap play pen that you can put the mattress in it.  You know how tired you can be after handling the two and the short period of time that you get to rest especially at night when they wakes up every 3 hours or so.  Sleep and Rest comfortably.  Give them their space and have yours.  You don’t love them any less by putting them in their baby cot ok. 

Rule #10
Ignore Opinions that are not facts.  With all due respect, some opinions are just non-factual.  You will experience people asked you questions like “Eh kenapa you tak buat macam ni…”, “wouldn’t it be better if you do this…”, “I experienced the same….. though bukan kembar tapi setahun satu” etc etc…. take whatever you think can be useful to you and just ignore those that you thing is not applicable to you.

Well… this is only my sharing from my 2 years experience of roller coaster ride with my precious twins.  Yes I do get tired physically and emotionally MOST of the time especially when I need to think how to fit in every shoe…. Of course there are times when I just cry for no reason hahahahahaha… but then… life must goes on!  Thank you for reading and hope this sharing may help you in any ways. #love


Friday, 16 May 2014

Strength...where are you

I have been trying to digest the advise from the Dr.Margaret the plastic surgeon that we met during Zarif's last follow up with the Cleft Clinic - to do a revise surgery on his lips. Though during the long wait before our name being called, I met with some other patients and I saw their scar are not obvious.  And some of them even with palate problem.  When I asked, they said it was done by Dr. Margaret.  

As we enter, she has advised us to do another surgery.  And of course in my mind - not another surgery please..... but then when she has reasoned out her points of course it is needed but my heart was in denial.

That was in February..... And now May... I am still feeling heavy about it.  I know we wont be able to stop the other children to talk about the obvious scar... now we may not be feeling it, but later it will not be good for Zarif's confidence especially people will start to compare him with his twin brother, Zafri.

When the heart is searching for strength, it sometime broke down to pieces.  I have been searching for strength ever since then.  Though I know he needs to go for another surgery in future (Age 6-7) but now seems too soon for me.  I feel that I am mentally not prepared. 

I know it is for his future.  But it hurt me even just to think of it now.  I guess it was easier back then when he was 3 months old.  May be back then I feel that I only had him for 3 months and unlike now…. It has been 2 years.  Regardless how minor the surgery is, it is easier for one to say it but not for the mother.  The giggles, the smiles, the cheeky nosy look, the hugs and everything will automatically appear in my mind. 

I felt “ralat” and “terkilan”.  Did I make a wrong choice choosing the wrong plastic surgeon for him earlier?  But it was totally recommended by the hospital.  Oh dear God, I don’t want to question all the challenges that You have given me, but can You please give me enough strength for it. Last year was the episode of my husband, that leads to dialysis.... and this year..... my lil hero....

We are aiming for the surgery to be done by end of the year.  It is not the fear of the surgery that I am feeling for him now.  It is more the sympathy feeling and it grows more and more everyday.

Adik… mama sorry.  One day when you read this, trust me.  I am ever willing to trade myself for whatever thing that you have to go through…. Even my life.  It is so painful in my heart, trust me. I love you my angel... 

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Prudential and ING .....

Make sure you are super healthy if you want to be insured.  Bare in mind, there is no diplomacy and no heart when you deal with insurance company.  They may advertised as though they care and understand but the reality is just the opposite.  I am not quoting other people's experienced but mine.

After months of trying to put this issue out to public (without prejudice just want to share facts) and series of writing to numerous newspaper companies, finally Utusan published my story in the Forum column.

Friday, 14 December 2012

Hospital Umra

Hmmm not sure whether I am too demanding or over sensitive but I get annoyed when the doctor treat me badly....

My little Zafri ntah macam mana kena cirit for the past 2 days... kesian sangat tengok bum bum dia... then we decided to take him to DEMC.... unfortunately on the way it was such a massive traffic jam.  So we thought, why dont we just go to Umra.  Sampai sana, met this Dr. Jessy.  I greet her.  She just nod no smile. Ok...fine. Then as I was explaining to her she just give me a serious face.  Ok fine... then dia nak check Zafri.  Zafri tak duduk diam (as always)...then she gave me this agitated face...and mendengus.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm..... pantang tok nenek lah kan... lain kali kalau tak nak jadi doctor..jgn jadi doctor... i know it is tiring to be a doctor... to be a stay at home mum pon penat ok!!

Then she said something like "hold him nicely"... very stern.  That does it.  I asked her "why you look so angry?!! If you don't want to treat him, I don't want you either".  Hah kan kena sebijik.  Seriously, what is her problem.  Then she said "no i am not angry".. i said "yes you look angry the way you talk all very angry".... lepas tu boleh pulak cakap elok2 and a lil smile on her face.

I am telling you....  doctors need TLC!  A good doctor took half of the pain away without medication tau.

Speaking of hospital... as at now, DEMC still the best service hospital.  The moment you step in, from the bellboy (yess they do have a bellboy) up to the doctors (by far that i've met).... seriously superb.  Very tactful.

Once, just after gave birth, I had to take my twins to the hospital... the MO noticed that i just gave birth, straight away call for a wheel chair for me.  Banyaklah kelebihan DEMC.... i am so far very pleased with the team there.

Anyway, hopefully Dr.Jessy will learn from today's incidence.  How you react and your facial expression is very important.

hmmm my bambam.... luckily he is as cheerful as ever.... cepat sihat yer sayang.... mama sayang anak mama.... errr... mama sayang spiderboys mama hehehehe muaaahhhh

Wednesday, 12 December 2012


I received an email from ING with regards to Zarif's declined application.  This is the email :-
"Case was reviewed when we received email from *************.
Regret to inform that we are unable to consider HS plan to the life
insured who is only 8 months old with palate lip repair surgery done in June 2012. Cleft lip may increase risk for upper respiratory tract disorder, speech defects, hearing impairment and infection of middle ear. The risk for HS plan is very high at current stage. Client with cleft lip/palate may need a revision surgery at a later age depends of the recovery."

And my reply:-
Dear ****,
Kindly inform your underwriter or whoever that sent you this email to get their FACTS correct.

1.  Zarif did NOT had any palate repair surgery.  Kindly ask your underwriter to search in the dictionary what palate is and what lip is.

2.  All the risk stated are for Cleft LIP AND PALATE, whereby Zarif only has cleft lip problem.  Do browse to know more about cleft.  Whatever it is, I thought anything related to Cleft would be excluded from the policy?  Why suddenly this came out as an issue?

My child will forever be a cleft lip baby regardless of what age he will be later.  As such the deferment proposal proposed by ING will never be applicable to him as it will forever be deferred.

I guess ING would have their facts correct if ever ING get the medical report of Zarif.  However, ING was just too proud to even request for it and I shall and will not grant any permission whatsoever after this, for the fact that ING is not interested at the first place.

*****, I really appreciate your cooperation and understanding in handling this matter.  However, I am sorry to inform you that my husband and I have decided to withdraw for Zafri's proposal too.  Both Kamal and I feel very offended how Zarif's case being treated at the first place by ING.  Kindly do the refund accordingly.  I guess I will have to find other insurance company that would be interested to insure Zarif or at least be fair to him.  Thank you once again for your time and effort. 

Puan Zuraini - CLAPAM,

For your kind info.  I take into heart how this being handled by ING.